Something Changed For Me This Year and I Want To Tell You About It

A story about leaving a job, healing, and following your path

I was sitting at my desk, working my demanding full-time job in sales, looking out the window at the pool below, bustling with people, and the lake across the street, busy with summer boaters. And I just felt so…. sad. And I cried. All night. And I am not a cryer. Let alone a “cryer all night.” (No shame, water signs that just isn’t my typical process).

I decided to finally stop clutching at comfort and known stability, and create change. I decided to start writing about what I love and what I truly believe in. And I decided to make moves to quit my full-time multiple six-figure job. I decided to fully step into my coaching and astrology business. I didn’t just stumble upon this decision in one moment; it has been years in the making. But there is always a moment when you fully decide, and you shift your attention towards the future version of you. So much so, that the past version of you feels it. And there is a process of mourning. I think when I spent the entire night crying, I was truly mourning the old version of me, as I knew she was transforming into someone else. And stepping into the unknown is quite possibly one of the most uncomfortable things a person can do. Stepping into it on intuition and faith alone makes it nearly impossible to convince your body it’s the right decision. But it’s time.

I am writing on Substack because I genuinely love to write, and I have since a young age. I wouldn’t say I am itching to write a book or be known as a writer, but I would say that sharing my story is important for my personal growth. And writing is one of the mediums I choose to use in the process. So this post is how I got here, to this moment, of looking out my window and truly knowing that I was stepping away from all the comforts of a well-paying job in tech sales, and stepping into putting every ounce of my energy into my coaching and astrology business. I didn’t add the part where my body has been literally screaming at me to quit for months, and that my nervous system will need a complete detox once I do. But that too. (I plan on writing all about this in a future post soon.)

The Unwelcome Awakening

It was about 15 years ago when I experienced my Saturn return. (And other transits.) I had no idea what that meant back then. It’s the time it takes Saturn to return to the place it was on the day you were born. And it typically comes with some hard life lessons and maturation that feels really uncomfortable. I was 29 years old, and about to take my dream trip to Costa Rica to study abroad for 8 weeks for my undergrad. My goal was to complete my undergrad and go on to law school. Shortly before I left for Costa Rica, I had to get all the travel vaccines required by the CDC and by my school. About one to two weeks after I completed the vaccines, I started to feel like “not myself.” And it just got progressively worse from there. By the time I finished my degree and graduated, a cascade of health issues ensued. Two years later and many, many doctors later, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and Lyme Disease. If you have been diagnosed with either, we can already just look at each other and understand, without words, the grueling journey that it brings. Needless to say, law school did not happen.

Now, 15-ish years later, I don’t use the words “Chronic Fatigue” or “Lyme Disease” as an identification mechanism. There are many reasons why I decided a long time ago that I was not going to identify with a diagnosis. But the choice was ultimately made in an effort to finally heal. And there was no way I was going to heal if I was hanging on to the identity of being “sick.” I have so many opinions, based on my journey, of what made my body sick. Was it the vaccines? Was it a tick bite? Or was it a pre-destined awakening planned to put me on the course to start a business, talking to people about healing 15 years later? More than one thing can be true. And I will leave it at that.

Healing On My Moon Line: Florida

After my diagnosis, I moved to Florida to get treatment. I don’t practice Astrocartography, but from what I understand, Florida is my Moon line. And I spent my time there mothering my health, my intuition, and my soul. I got a part-time job and moved in with my stepdad so that I could focus on healing. It was one of the darkest, loneliest times in my life. I felt like I had lost everything. I wasn’t myself; I was suffering neurological challenges that rendered me essentially a shell of the person I once was. I lost friends. I lost family. I lost my dream of going to law school. I can’t even explain how dark and alone that time in my life was without it becoming its own post. I spent much of that time alone. In a city where I didn’t know anyone. I went from the once alive and vibrant girl with a lot of friends and a rich social life to someone who had lost all her charm and didn’t have any friends. I was making no money, and I watched as the world around me continued to progress through milestones, while I remained paused in a deep depression.

That time was spent learning a lot about myself and my body. Mostly, it was a time when I inched my way into the holistic world of healthcare. It wouldn’t have been my first choice, but when all else fails, you really have nothing left to lose. I found someone who practiced Applied Kinesiology (A.K.) in such a unique way. Her exact, unique approach brought me back from the dead. And I ended up working with her for about 5 years when I lived in Florida. When I decided it was time to move on from my part-time job into the real world, I decided I wanted to be a flight attendant, and I got a job with one of the biggest U.S. airlines. No one told me how absolutely hard that job would be on my body, but I was determined to diligently eat clean and maintain my A.K. treatments in order to keep my job.

Over the 5 years I had that job, I started listening to podcasts on my long 1.5-hour one-way drive to my weekly treatments. One podcast guest led to another, and I slowly slipped into the world of “woo.” It was then that I decided to start studying astrology. (Still studying, will forever study…). I was also introduced to the book The Divine Matrix by Gregg Braden. And I think that book was the turning point for me. It allowed me to take full responsibility for my life in a way that empowered me to create change. It was my entry point into the theory that what you think creates your reality. I took it as an invitation to change my life. I was broke, and I could not work the number of hours needed in order to afford living alone. I was still dealing with residual health challenges, and I felt like I was meant for so much more. (I write about how to change your money story here.)

From Gregg Braden came Gaia, then Joe Dispenza, and so on. And did anyone else binge-watch every season of Interview with Extra Dimensionals??? (If you did, you belong here and stay tuned….) I started doing Dispenza’s meditations and continued my astrology studies. I learned my Human Design profile (Projector). And I decided to leave Florida to return home to Omaha. Shortly after, 2020 crept up and took over. And everything changed. I took a buyout from my flight attendant job, and I had literally no idea what I was going to do for a job. And I didn’t care. I started to learn about what my body truly needed, and I stopped fighting it to work a job that I thought I needed in order to achieve true freedom. I thought I needed the free flights to afford my lust for world travel. I realized that I had the power to earn enough to pay full price for my plane tickets. And after I left that job, everything changed.

New Me, Who Dis?

One thing that lockdown gave us was the idea that many jobs could be worked from home. I knew I needed to work from home; it was what my body craved after years and years of nervous system dysregulation. About 3 weeks after I accepted the buyout from my flight attendant job, I started a job in technology, working from home. No tech experience. No actual relevant experience “on paper.” But I was already doing the work, changing my thoughts, and changing my life. People in my life were truly afraid of me quitting a job without another job in the middle of a broken 2020 economy. But I knew, truly knew, that I was supported. And it wasn’t just that easy. I was doing meditations, I was working through integrating trauma. I was getting into my body, creating heart-brain coherence. I was focusing on my future, and not my past.

I built a career in tech and a life that I knew back then was ultimately waiting for me. I still, and always will, be learning through my body and my own health journey. I started learning more about the nervous system and how to regulate it. I learned that I was living off stress hormones, and I had to completely change how I showed up at my job in order to heal. I set boundaries at work, and I continued to outperform in the process. Proving that the “hustle” culture is not a necessity for true success. I went to a Dr. Joe Dispenza weeklong retreat (I write about it here), I opened up deeper layers of intuition, and I kept integrating what I knew about self-improvement into my own life. I learned that you have to become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions in order to create true change in your life. I continued to learn astrology and started giving readings. I also learned that none of the aforementioned modalities for creating change in your life matter unless you can hold the change in your body. (i.e., regulate your nervous system.) I got certified to coach people and learned methods rooted in Jungian psychology. From nearly 20 years of experience and layers and layers of healing, I birthed the Whole Being Integration method and publication. Fusing working with the body, your own energy, and your soul (astrology).

And now, I sit at my giant window overlooking a pool and lake, and I yearn for another change. Every layer and level of my life experience always brings me back to my body, my thoughts, my energy, and astrology. And that same itch that I felt back in 2020 to take a leap and step into the future that I was once envisioning is happening again. What is funny is that we evolve so much in life that the thing you would have DIED for 10 years ago is now the thing that gives you the “ick.” And that just means we are truly evolving. Nothing ever stays the same. Literally nothing.

Letting go is so incredibly hard, especially for someone who has most of their energy in fixed signs. I love and crave stability, and the program that we call our current reality tells us that stability = predictability. I truly know that it is literally keeping me in the past, but my body needs to be honored in the process, and therefore, I always ensure I am integrating change somatically in addition to energetically. And that takes time. And that is ok.

All these years of healing, growth, brutal honesty, embodiment, and learning have brought me here, today. I knew all those years ago when I took my first astrology class that I would start an astrology business. I knew when I started talking to my friends and family about the awe of manifesting what you truly want out of life, that I wanted to help guide people on their own journey of personal transformation and healing. And yet, here I am, sitting at my window, feeling the loss of a stable job, and feeling truly afraid that I won’t succeed. And yes, I am human, and I do feel afraid. If someone else in this space pretends like they have it all figured out, and they never feel afraid, they are full of shit. Yes, I do curse from time to time; it’s one of my most redeeming qualities. I don’t sugarcoat, and I always tell the truth.

What The Whole Being Integration Will Offer

This publication is going to be turned into a community. A community for learning about astrology, working with energy, getting into your body, and for meeting your next bestie. (Coming soon: I write about how I met my Galactic Team at a Dr. Joe Dispenza retreat.) This will not be a lame online space where we never actually connect with each other beyond Substack. I will write about channeling, the new paradigm, and we will work from this space together. If you feel aligned with my story or my work, that means you likely experienced a very similar story yourself. I want you to share it in the comments, tell me what brought YOU here….

PS - if you came looking around because you read the word “astrology” but were disappointed that you learned literally nothing about it after reading this entire post - check out my services below. I offer standalone astrology readings or coaching and astrology fused together into a transformational container with yours truly.

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Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or mental health professional before trying or implementing any information read here.